Day 22: Making decisions

I used to be really good at making decisions. I tended to not waiver. I trusted my instincts and I didn't need the opinions of others to find my way. But my decision making well has been taxed. It is empty and sluggish and teetering toward ambivalence and this is quite possibly the worst time for ambivalence because the decisions we make in the next 5-10 days are the decisions people see. That we will see, every day.

But it's the logical time. It's been almost 3 years of decision making regarding this house and the mental exhaustion of the process and the toll it takes is real. It's really really real. And it's right under the surface of the sparkling new white paint and farmhouse floors.

For us, at times we made decisions easily and quickly regarding this remodel. Like just today, about an hour ago - my husband learned that a new version of Nest thermostat exits. We haven't installed ours. We could still get latest version and sell the 3 we already purchased that we can't return. I asked "What's new in the new version?" He said he didn't know. So he put the kids to bed and then got on his phone and did some research. Turns out new version is narrower, wider and has a clock feature. I said these features don't seem worth it to me to for the trouble. He agreed. No new Nest. Decision made. Turn around time: 1 hour.

Other decisions have been painful and long and arduous. Money and emotions and needs all rolled into a ball. But in the moment and in the process, it takes hold of you. The harder decisions for me have been ones in which I didn't want to compromise. In which I believed my opinion to be the right one. Sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn't but we had to talk through all of them, all the time and sometimes the only solution was to say ok, whether I meant it or not.

It is those moments that have taken the most toll. They are part of marriage and life and house remodeling. But then, there are other moments, like today, when I let myself trust myself again and just go for it. So I bought the lamp for the living room.

Can you guess which one?

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